Zero-ism

I was curbing the urge to write this one for a longtime . “Well I should write on better issues!” “This is too trivial!” . Yeah! Yeah! Self proclaimed intellectual high status that trashes such things . But the ‘trivial tamasha’ should not be underestimated.These are the things that keep the world moving on the daily basis. A lot of ‘trivial ones’ give you a reason to get out of bed every morning and look forward to the day. So I shun the inhibition and try to explore something that has already  been over-explored.

Well since it’s such a special zone .I skip numero uno and start from zero. Aryabhatta’s zero?Well with due respect and reverence to Sri Aryabhatta, the show has been stolen by someone else. His relation to zero has been overshadowed by a tinsel town ‘activist’.

Let me rewind and start from the start. I was propelled into this frivolous writing by a twenty something lady in a pink jacket and a branded jeans. She was talking to her diet counsellor as I waited at the reception of the gym (yeah I finally decided to lower my BMI).In one hand she was holding  a book with her finger acting as a bookmark.

” ‘It’s not about a bike’ ….Oh! Lance armstrong. I read that one.”   I spoke in my mind as I read the name of the book.

I was beginning to develop a favourable opinion about Miss Pink Jacket .She seemed the most entertaining thing around as I was getting bored of the wait and had already looked at every possible detail of the room. So I observed her as she shared her weight woes with the counsellor. All of a sudden she burst out ‘Kash mai Kareena jaisi dikh sakoon’. This was followed by chuckles and sounds of approval and a  loud ‘gosh!’ .That was the moment I noticed that  Miss Pink jacket wasn’t fat at all! To accentuate  my misery the counsellor added “Hey why don’t you take the women’s day offer?” and she described the discounts on weight loss packages . Alright so this is what Women’s Day is all about :(.

Kareena was perhaps popping up from nowhere for the past few weeks. I watch ‘Koffee with Karan’ on a random sunday. As the host shows clippings of other actors opinion on the guest … she watches with a shocked gaze … and in the end reacts “Oh my god everybody used to be so fat!!”(completely ignoring what they said about her) and I heard further the unspoken words “Before I started the zero revolution”. In the gym I find a glossy book by a weight loss expert with a foreword by Kareena and next day the pink jacket lady gives me a final sign…” Come on acknowledge Kareena…”

 Ok fine!! … Since I have a blog with low traffic I might actaully write something and use this to attract some readers (I know how Shall- O ).So today I  take this opportunity to thank Beb-0 for giving purpose to Indian women. They had always been pressured to look good but you have given them the ‘zero mark’ to strive for.Cheers to you!!  So what! if they may damage their hypothalamo-pituitary-ovarian axis  in the quest.You might have  actually helped them evade ovarian cancers in the future. You are a true pioneer at creating a fat-less society . You have worked towards equalizing the society. Malnourishment is no more confined to the poor , you have brought the elite and the middle class adolescent and adult women in the same category. We will soon have our own breed of anorectics. We are catching up America beware!! I really suspect that the  2010 increase in buffer stock above the target level is your secret contribution. Next time Mr. Bush makes a delirious statement like “Indians eat a lot and that is adding to universal food crisis” we will send you to give an insight into your ‘zero’ revolution’. May be you can help him improve his G.K. too.

    You brought the dignity back to zero. It is a proud moment to attain a zero. In a country with ‘-isms ‘ you added the sacred clan of Zeroism. The ‘Zero warriors’ who look down upon any soul  that looks for M,L,XL,XXL…. sizes in stores. This is a novel way to help doctors fight obesity and metabolic disorder. A look of disdain that motivates the otherwise tough patients to cut on calories.

You have saved us from watching flab on silver screen . You have re-emphasized that size does matter and it’s a great thing to be a small package. Though you  have been born in a family genetically predisposed to obesity; you have shown nothing is impossible by attaining a zero. No wonder the upcoming stars tell stories of shedding 30-40 kgs before shining on the silver screen. Weight has got a weightage like never before.

It’s therefore obvious that every other gal wants to be your ‘zero’-x copy. Don’t take it in the wrong sense but you are ‘the Zeroine’ of the millenium wielding ‘the mask of zero’… blinding people by your unmatchable charm. Hats off to your ‘Zero’ domestic violence drive… probably a zero every woman will appreciate from the bottom of her heart.

           Well you are such a sweet candy hearted woman. Oops thats a lot of calories for words. Pardon me memoiselle. But you are inspiring. I was unaware of your ‘charisma’ until the lady in Pink Jacket rescued me from my ignorance . “Kash mai Kareena jaisi dikh sakoon” was a moment of enlightenment.

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2 thoughts on “Zero-ism

  1. Sweetly written.. thoda pun thoda appreciation.. but surely the power stardom can generate is awesome!! Nothing would happen if I start a useful movement, but if Dhoni does .. whole world will notice!!

  2. sweet. engrossing post, something which you dont expect when the “trivial topic” is announced in the beginning. fun to read till the very end.

    that said, couldn’t quite make out whether you were trying to be sarcastic or was this written in admiration.

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